(Continuing a series based on Dunbar’s book, “Friends”. You can find the basic thesis here: https://jotsandscribbles.blog/2023/09/18/introduction-to-friends-by-robin-dunbar/ )
Robin Dunbar’s early work was on monkeys, who literally spend time grooming each other to build and sustain friendship. But this form of bonding limits the size of the group that can be connected. Humans have ways of connecting which do not require intimate touch.
“It seems we discovered several ways of triggering the endorphin system using behaviours that allowed us to engage in virtual grooming at a distance such that we could, in effect, groom several people at the same time. These include laughter, singing and dancing, feasting, storytelling and the rituals of religion, probably in that order.”
We don’t have to fully agree with Dunbar’s thoughts on the source or order of these bonding activities (we believe God made us to be social!) in order to benefit from his insight into activities that trigger social bonding in the brain.
If these activities are how a community bonds then we would be interested to see if we do this as a church community or in our relationship to God. We’d want to check any ideas we come up with against the Bible. We’ll briefly look at the activities in Dunbar’s order:
Laughter
Laughter releases endorphins and makes you feel closer to those you laugh with. It creates a sense of belonging as a group. Laughter is rarely an appropriate response to directly considering God, but it is an appropriate response to the absurdity of people and the world. So we might expect occasional laughter in a worship service, but would positively encourage laughter around meal tables or on weekends away.
Singing and dancing
Singing and dancing (Dunbar thinks dancing came first) enable you to join with others in synchrony. Again, it causes endorphin release which helps increase the pain threshold (reduce how much pain you feel). Singing has the added bonus that the larger the group the greater the bonding effect. Congregational singing is commanded in the Bible, and has been a feature of church life through the centuries. Singing to God together helps us connect. And dance? We should welcome people who naturally want to dance dancing. But I can’t help feeling that for me (and perhaps many British people) dancing outside a ceilidh feels so awkward that it would be a distraction.
Feasting
Eating meals together increases trust. Eating regularly with a smaller group of friends and family reinforces close binds while larger and more formal feasts creates bonds with a wider community. While in theory church services include eating the Lord’s Supper, in practice I think this is ritual rather than feast. Church lunches, and homegroup meals, are important ways to build and strengthen community. The idea of formal meals, with rituals and speeches, is still found at weddings. But I wonder if there are helpful ways to build this into a church lunch- perhaps a couple of set prayers we all say together, or a point in the meal where everyone is encouraged to ask what they can pray for their neighbour/ discuss a particular topic.
Storytelling
In Dunbar’s account, storytelling is primarily about the shared emotions of listening to a story. And that is important in a church service. But it is also about sharing the story we live into, the story of God creating and redeeming the world. So storytelling (and especially the Bible story) should engage our emotions, but should also be shaping our worldview.
Rituals
Shared rituals help us to know that we belong to something and so to each other. Dunbar suggests men are more likely to like formalised ritual gatherings, which is intriguing. There is something about focusing on the “task” rather than each other that is more likely to help men bond together. The Lord’s Supper is the regular ritual of the church gathering.
Jots and Scribbles 