(Continuing a series based on Dunbar’s book, “Friends”. You can find the basic thesis here: https://jotsandscribbles.blog/2023/09/18/introduction-to-friends-by-robin-dunbar/ )
Dunbar’s insights into total friendship group size (150 total) and social fingerprint (a distinct pattern for slots for friends down the friendship scale) has implications evangelism and what we should expect from new converts.
If we divide people into groups based on their social network size (small or full) and whether they generally enjoy healthy relationships or not, we can see that those with a full social network and healthy relationships are unlikely to be reached by Christians becoming friends with them. They already have a full friendship group, and it is providing support and shared life. They still need the gospel. They will still have existential needs, and may be looking for intellectual answers, practical wisdom, and for true satisfaction. But they won’t hear it by a Christian offering friendship because they don’t need more friendships. If we as churches are to reach these people with the good news of Jesus, we need at least some evangelism that does not depend on friendship to reach these people. And of course such evangelism may also reach those in the other categories.
| Small social network | Full social network | |
| Healthy relationships | Unlikely to be reached by friendship evangelism | |
| Unhealthy relationships |
In principle, those with small social networks have capacity for and would benefit from more friendships, and so Christians offering friendship may be welcomed, and in that context, while sharing life and caring for each other, the gospel may be spoken. Those whose friendship groups have unhealthy dynamics are perhaps more likely to be drawn by healthy and loving friendship offered, even if they have a full social network.
But what about if people become Christians? How do these social network differences make a difference to what being a growing disciple looks like?
For someone with few friends and family, and generally unhealthy family and friend relationships, growing as a disciple is likely to look like adding in lots of Christian friendships in church. These real and healthy relationships should be part of the context for learning more about Jesus and how to follow him.
But if someone has a full and basically healthy social network, when they become a Christian they don’t have capacity to add in lots of Christian friendships. They will need a few, of course, if they are to grow as disciples of Jesus and be part of God’s family. But they don’t need friendship per se. And if we demand they give up lots of non-Christian friendships to make Christian friendships then we are taking away their potential to be salt and light for Jesus.
For someone with a healthy but small social network, they will benefit from a fair number of Christian friendships as they grow as a disciple of Jesus. But as they grow in Christ they may also need encouragement to make friendships beyond the church, and to look for a hobby or be pro-active in inviting neighbours for coffee. Being a disciple of Jesus may mean looking out for friendships with those who can give less. For this person, the growth in friendships may well be beneficial as more friends provide more encouragement. But it also serves growing as a disciple and looking to serve those in need.
For someone with a large social network but generally unhealthy dynamics, the need for both healthy friendship and discipleship will probably mean cutting back on some existing relationships to build Christian friendships. Without healthy Christian friendship, change to be more Christlikeness will be hard and the ability to bring God’s grace into their social network is reduced.
Understanding the diversity of friendship group size and health may prompt us to expect more diversity of approaches to sharing the good news of Jesus, and what growing as a new disciple of Jesus will look like.
Jots and Scribbles 