Systems thinking, and why it is sometimes right to be lopsided

Many years ago when I was studying science, I loved understanding how systems worked. I particularly enjoyed physiology, the study of how biological systems work in the body. In physiology, you can’t understand the parts without seeing how they work together. You look at the whole circulatory system, at the whole circuit of sensors, nerves and muscles, and so on.  

I try to apply that sort of wisdom to other parts of life to. But I notice that often people will sum up the results of a system with a simplification that is lopsided. Let’s explore one example I’ve noticed: parenting.

Some parents declare the central plank of parenting is being attentive to the individual child and their needs, and enabling the unique child to emerge. Other parents will declare the central plank of parenting is giving clear boundaries and enforcing those to train the child in the right way to go.

From a systems viewpoint, I’m pretty sure you need both. As a secular analysis put it, the best outcomes seem to require parental warmth and high standards. Or as my summary of Biblical parenting goes, we need a Grace-Law-Grace framework.

My observation of families that seem to be parenting well is that whichever side they fall on in terms of what they say, they are actually doing both. Some parents who emphasise the attentiveness to the individuality and needs of children are also pretty clear on boundaries and no nonsense about expectations. Some parents who emphasise the need for boundaries and consequences are also pretty attuned to the individual abilities and needs of their children. Good parents, from whichever tribe, are often closer in practice than their short summaries would suggest. Their systems are more similar than their headlines.

So why do people give “headline summaries” that don’t reflect the balance of their systems?

1) Because you really notice the thing that you add last. If you have 9 out of 10 ingredients and it doesn’t work, and then you learn the 10^th ingredient, that is the thing you credit. You don’t notice the other elements of the system because without that 10^th ingredient they didn’t work. But someone else missing elements 5 and 8 may add the 10^th ingredient and find it doesn’t work for them. If a particular truth or element is the one that seems to transform your parenting (or any other area of life), that is what you share. You can easily be blind to how many other system elements are also necessary.

2) Because you share what your tribe or audience wants to hear. In any given social setting, some aspects of the system are socially palatable or socially high status. And so we may be aware of the whole system but pick the aspects of the system which will be approved to highlight. In conservative subcultures, that might be the boundaries and discipline line. In liberal subcultures (which is currently the mainstream culture in the UK), it is the individuality of the child and letting them express themselves line that will be better received. This adjusting of the message might be subconscious or conscious. Either way, it tailors its summary not to the system as a whole but the aspects that will be best received by the audience.

3) Because shifting systems requires a lopsided message. A better reason for offering a lopsided summary is if you want to try and shift a system. If you think the culture around you has a system missing key elements, you can try and give a more balanced system. But often, people hearing a balanced system take what they like and ignore what they don’t like. So perhaps the way to shift a system is to share a simplified message focused on what is missing. This is the key, this is the answer.

Moving away from parenting, this is one of the challenges in preaching. When do we preach the balance of the whole Biblical message on a topic. And when do we allow a “lopsided” summary from a particular passage to challenge our system? The truth is the whole of what the Bible teaches, but the Bible itself has passages emphasising one particular aspect or part of the truth. And perhaps that is what our audience need to hear in that moment.